Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
im holly from the hills drunk
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
