I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
