bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
