If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
