Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
