And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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