Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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