Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
