everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
