Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
