Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
