I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize