im about as happy as oj after his trial
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
