Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
