Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
