Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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