I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
