I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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