Where did you get a picture of my penis
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize