Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Randomize
