she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
