Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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