note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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