I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
