i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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