I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Pooping to opera.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
