hotel room ftw
I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
