Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize