Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
