I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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