Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she smelled like a LAN party
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
