is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
