Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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