actually, I'm a sock model
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
