i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
