Small penises have feelings too.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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