the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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