don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
