wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
