The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Too much gin, very little bucket
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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