Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
