Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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