I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
