Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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