oh god the rape fog is back!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
