Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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