After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
