just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
