You're so nebulous sometimes
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
