So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
