he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
