his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she smelled like a LAN party
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
