we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You can't just leave with hair like that
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
