3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize