Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
