How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
