there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
