It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
