I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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