and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
