I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
