My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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