By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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