a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
