is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
