I hate your face
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
