I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
