I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
